Kittens are crazy

I've changed. I've changed a lot since this journal started. I've been thinking about how my life has changed and how I have evolved as a person in the last 4 years. My life has taken many changes and often gone in ways I didn't anticipate or even desire, but in the end life is what it is.

So I think the next few entries will focus on how I've changed from the day this journal started.

So any one that knows me knows how important music is to me. How I can't imagine being in HS with out chorus. Well SMCC has a Chorus. You can participate in 2 ways. 1 is by taking it as a class (my choice) and the other is by having it as a club. Well I took it as a class thinking I had the time free so why not use it?

Well the time SMCC has Chorus is the same time I had set aside Mon, Wed, and Friday for getting extra help with my math class. So I get to school today earlu to get help with my math prior to Chorus. Along comes time for Chorus and I say to myself there is no way I'm going to get all this done before class with chorus. So time to drop.

So I filled out the paperwork and dropped chorus . The Chorus instructor is also one of the Math teachers at SMCC so when I told her why she was understanding. So while this will be reflected in my GPA (it will say I tried 7 credits this semester but only completed 6) Id rather have that take a hit on my GPA and rate of completion than fail math and have to take it again.

I'll find another way to have music in my life. Passing Math with the best grade I can is my priority.

School, it's a wonderful thing. It helps me learn and explore myself on a regular basis. This semester I am only takeing 2 classes (which is an improvement from the one I was taking). I am taking basic Alegerbra (yuck) and World Religions (yay). Both have been challenging me so far. One is challenging me religiously and the other mathematically. Though I have found I don't dred going to math like I used to. I'm actually enjoying the class.

I've grown a lot in my approach to school. Before I used to feel that getting extra help from the help centers made me a failure. I've learned that I'm being a failure to myself when I don't get help. By not getting the help that I need when I need it, I am not doing the best that I can. So I now have help in Math. I am going to the tutoring center on a regular basis and I am also getting some help from one of my friends. I'm using all resources I have available so that I may be the best that I can be when it comes to school.

I've made some friends. Which is saying something because I've always had a hard time with my friends and making new friends. It just sort of happened. I'm glad of it to. Now I have people to hang out with before and after class. I don't feel alone any more. I have been feeling lonely for a while, but not any more. It's a nice feeling.

So yeah school. I'll probably have more to say tomorow after class. For now this is bye

So. I was thinking of making a list of the things that have changed since I started this blog. It's gonna take a little work for that to become a reality. I mean I'd have to go back to my very first post in this blog and notice big changes. I may still do that. Though for now i'll stick with this.

I will say I have grown up a lot. I am no longer the innocent and naieve little girl that I used to be. These last few months has brought a lot of change in my life. Because of the experiences I have grown into the person I want to be and always knew I could be.

My religious thoughts can be found under Wyndy_wytch.

The lifestyle changes I've made are related to my interest and paticpiatipon in BDSM. If you are interested in that lifestyle and aspect of it, send me a PM and I'll link you that blog.

Yes I am alive. I plan on writing a long entry tommorow.

Normally when it's been a while since my last post I update on everything that's gone on since then, but that's not what this post is going to be about. Right now I have a lot of things going on in my life, and on my mind, and I need to get them out in writing in order to process them. I should be at work right now, but my mental state just wont allow it. Luckilly my manager saw I was in a "bad" space and said I could go home if I needed to. I thought about it for a moment, but then knew that it would be best for me and for the company if I didn't work in the state I'm in, so I came home.

Any way right now Ben and I are going through a hard time, and it's really starting to have an effect on me. I'm in a lot of pain right now and I'm both scared and confused. While I don't feel like going into details about the situation, I'm just going to state that it's going to take a while for things to go back to the way they were.

All of my instincts are telling me to run away and forget what's going on. That if I hide everything will be ok, and I know that it's not true. I'm sick of running away when things get tough in my life. I'm sick of waiting for everything to be all right, but it's hard to fight my instincts. Right now I feel like a little girl who is alone in the dark with only her teddy bear feeling all alone with none to comfort her.

I know I'm not alone right now, but that's how I feel. I just want everything to be ok and with out trouble. I just want to forget that anything ever happened, but I can't. Hell right now even talking to some people is making things worse, cause they don't really know how they can help me, aside from just being there and listening to my words. I don't know what I really need right now, I'm that confused.

It's hard for me to deal with emotional pain like this. I'm so afraid of being left by the one I love the most, that it scares me. I want to hurt myself to "show" people the pain I'm in, but I'm not going to. That's just going to make things worse. I want to smoke and I want to drink, but I'm not going to. I'm trying to find other ways of dealing with my pain.

Right now I don't even feel like I deserve the love I am getting from Ben. I feel ashamed and alone. All I really want in life is to be loved and wanted, but it seems like when ever I get close to that goal something always goes wrong. Maybe I'm not ment to be married and have a familly? I don't know, I just know that I want all the pain to go away, and right now, at this very moment it feels like death is the only way to achieve that goal. But I won't do that to the ones I love. It would only cause more pain, and I don't want to see my loved ones in pain. I just want every one to be happy, even if that means I have to remove myself from their lives....

I'm trying to focus on hope and happiness, but it seems like things are just not going my way. I'm begining to think that some time alone, away from those I love would help me figure out what to do to get through this, but that idea scares me even more. I'm scared and don't know how to get through this.

I'm starting to feel that the only way for me to survive is to retreat back into my shell and into my fantasy world where nothing can harm me, but if I do that I loose a lot of the work I have done.....

Earlier today I went to Wiscasset to visit Glenice, my foster mother. It had been a long time since I saw her last. It was a nice visit. While I was there I got to see my Nanna Bennet. I kinda wish Ben had come up to meet her, but it was nice to have a chance for it to be just me, Glenice, and her. I know they'll meet at some point.

While I was with Glenice I got to tell her a lil bit about my religious views and path. I tried to keep it simple. Ben ended up with the easiest simple explanation. I mean I don't mind describing it to people, but I'm not the best at keeping things simple.

I was going to stop by the cemetary and visit Artie's grave, but I decided aginst it. I kinda just wanted to go home. Once I got home I got started on my school work. I'm working on an opinion paper at the moment. It has to be 7-10 pages long. I dont know how much more I need to write, cause office isn't installing on my laptop for some reason.

I've had a rought few days, but I'm doing better now. Hopefully it's just a passing thing. Not to much else to say.

Last night was a lot of fun. I watched a movie with Ben on the couch and had a drink. Since I haven't been feeling too good lately I didn't have a whole lot to drink. Any way I went to be around 8:30 last night.

Before I woke up this morning I had a rather disturbing dream. It involved my ex and me in New York city. I was raped several times in the dream. I couldn't get away, and when I found a police officer, they didn't do anything about it. I remember trying to use my Jukado as a way of getting away, but nothing worked. The entire dream I was just screaming "Ben.. Ben where are you".

It kinda had me shaken.

This is something for fun that I got off of a witchcraft mailing list I belong to.

1) I'm adopted
2) I'm a part time College Student
3) I'm a scoripo
4) I'm engaged
5) I lived in a group home
6) I study Jukado (which is a martial art)
7) I have blonde hair
8) I wear glasses
9) I was sexually abused as a baby
10) I'm a witch
11) I'm a pagan
12) I still sleep with teddy bears
13) I want to run my own metaphysical/newage store some day
14) I do not have my licence
15) Someday I'd like a familly
16) I desire to be trained in a BTW (Brittish traditional Wicca) Path
17) I have always lived by the water
18) I was raised franco-american
19) I love to perform
20) I play the flute
21) I am teaching myself the guitar
22) I'd like to run a daycare
23) I write a lot of fan fiction
24) I've been hospitalized for my mental health
25) I'd like to have my own Coven someday
26) I used to play the trumpet
27) Someday I want to own a horse
29) I still watch children's shows
30) I belong to a website called Gaia Online
31) I have 1 brother (adoptive)
32) I have 1 sister (adoptive)
33) I have 2 neices
34) I have 2 nephews
35) My major in college is social work
36) I am a moonie (one who watches and loves sailormoon)
37) I am an otaku (Anime lover)
38) I am bisexual
39) I have a tatoo on my left shoulder
40) I can't stand seafood
41) I have worked in fast-food
42) As a child I dreamed of being a hollywood actress
43) I have always lived near a body of water
44) My ancestory is English in origin
45) I like Dr.Who
46) I like Star-Gate
47) I am in the college chorus
48) I graduated from HS in 2004
49) I've been to several hardrock concerts
50) My cat lives with my parents
51) I still visit my foster family
52) I was an assistant sunday school teacher
53) My two favorite movies growing up were the Wizard of Oz and The Little Mermaid
54) I still have my barbie dolls
55) I'd like to learn how to play the violin
56) I have worked a rensiance faire
57) I still have a small dream about forming a band and hitting it big
58) I love JTHM Jhonny the Homicidal Maniac)
59) I enjoy watching Porn
60) I have a very active imagination
61) My temper used to be fairly short
62) Most of my wardrobe is black
63) I'm always reading
64) I like Harry Potter
65) I want to play D&D
66) I play Everquest
67) I believe in elves and other spirits
68) I often wonder about who I really am
69) Some would call me gothic
70) I am an artist
71) I always do well in English classes
72) I had a very sheltered childhood
73) I volunteered at Riding to the Top
74) I want to be a mentor
75) I would love to have a book published some day
76) I fiddle around with HTML
77) I love to Role Play
78) If I could go back in time and meet some one it would be Gerald Gardner, so I could learn about Wicca from him
79) My favorite animal is the Cheeta
80) I am very catlike
81) I like to write
82) Sometimes I escape into a fantasy world so I don't get "hurt".
83) My favorite ice cream is Pistachio
84) I like to eat chineese food
85) I was mentally and emotionally abused in my adoptive familly
86) I've stolen some books
87) I don't have a job
88) I am going to join my dojo's competition team
89) I would love to go back to England
90) I have been to France twice
91) My dream wedding takes place on the ocean
92) I want to help people
93) I was raised Christian
94) My brother is my Godfather
95) When I was 6 or 7 I was in my brother's wedding
96) I won 3rd place in kumite (sparing) at my second competition
97) I plan on going to school till I get my masters in social work
98) I believe in "psychic" powers
99) I have a thing for the "darkside" of life
100) I'm bad at talking about myself.

A lot has happened since I last posted on my LJ. I'm going to try to be better about it. Any way, the biggest and best thing that has happened to me since I last updated you is that I'm engaged. Ben asked me one morning a few weeks ago. I'm soo happy!

School has started, and I'm doing ok, just not great. I know I could be doing better if I put more effort into my studies. I'm starting to work harder on my school work. Sometimes I just really don't want to do the work.

Ben and I have an apartment, and have been living together for 4 happy months now. I've come a long ways in healing. I've had a few moments where I've gotten upset or something, but they are no where near as bad as they used to be.

Not to much else to say.

I was bored so I took a "what religion are you test" Here are the results:


1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (94%)
3. New Age (88%)
4. Liberal Quakers (86%)
5. Unitarian Universalism (86%)
6. Secular Humanism (79%)
7. Theravada Buddhism (70%)
8. Mahayana Buddhism (62%)
9. Bah�'� Faith (61%)
10. Nontheist (59%)
11. Reform Judaism (55%)
12. Taoism (54%)
13. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (53%)
14. New Thought (53%)
15. Orthodox Quaker (50%)
16. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (49%)
17. Sikhism (47%)
18. Jainism (45%)
19. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (45%)
20. Scientology (38%)
21. Jehovah's Witness (37%)
22. Hinduism (31%)
23. Seventh Day Adventist (29%)
24. Orthodox Judaism (24%)
25. Eastern Orthodox (12%)
26. Islam (12%)
27. Roman Catholic (12%)

It's been a while since I last updated my journal. A lot has happened since then. I am no longer living in a group home or with my parents. For the last month and a half Ben and I have been living together. It's been a big change, but a good one.

I'm looking forward to next week. I start my fall semester classes. I'm going to be offically changing my major from cullinary arts to liberal studies with a concentration in social work. That way all my classes can go twords my degree.

I'm already taking classes that I need for that degree any way. This will just make it offical. I'll be taking Intro to American Government, Intro to Lit, and Intro to Sociology. I got honors when I was in school last semester so I decided to add a course this semester.

It's going to be hard work, and take a lot of study time, but it's worth it. I want to be able to help people some day, and my goal is to eventually have my masters of Social Work. I'm getting there slowly. The path is going to be hard and rocky, but it's worth it.

I started a new job a few weeks ago. I work two days a week in an office doing either clercal work (filing) or data entry. It's only part time, but it's work and exposure to an office setting which is what I really need.

I kinda like my new job. I'm doing a lot less stressful work and getting paid the same amount per hour. I'll glady take sitting at a computer all day over fast food service. Granted who wouldn't?

The file clerk aspect of my job is very boring. I pretty much just sit and make labels. On occasion I'll get to do some actual filing and prging files, but that doesn't happen all the time. I much more prefer the data entry. It's more complex and keeps me busy.

I should find out today if I am going to be staying on or what's going to be happening. I was/am in a trial period where I get exposed to the job and get trained. After 4-6 weeks we have a meeting and decide what the besr course of action is.

I'd like to stay. I enjoy where I am working and I don't mind the hours. I'd like to get more hours, but I can deal with 8 hours a week. Right now I just need work.

The last few weeks have been some what difficult on me and Ben. I've been having a hard time with intamcy and just generally felt like I was going to cry at random times. I'm doing better now, but it's been hard.

Ben is going to Dr. Feintech with me on Tuesday so we can discuss the problem/issue and figure out what the best course of action is. I want to get better and I need his support.

I've been feeling lonely again. One of my best friends is out of state in college and another doesn't have a licence. My friends I made at mainestay don't really see or hang out with me any more so I'm alone.

Once again I threw myself into my religious studies to escape any pain that I was feeling. Its a good escape for me. I don't feel so alone when I am studying religion.

Religion is important to me, but it shouldn't be an escape. It should be part of who I am, and not what I do. I have always been religious, and it's always provided support for me. Yet I'm finding now I am letting myself go a bit to much.

I've become addicted to EQ. I really like the game. It's a lot of fun and is an outlet for some of my more "dangerous" feelings. My Char must have a death wish cause she always dies in some fashion. Though according to Ben I take it very well.

Lot of stuff is starting to happen for me. I see things comming quickly, and I have to face it the best I can. Going back to school is going to be a good thing for me. I wont be idel any more. I'll have to study and work.

Well, lateley I have been seeing visions of me cutting again. It's not just cutting either. These are the same visions I had before I went into Spring Harbor. Now I don't think I need to go there, but I should probablly do something about it. I don't know what though. I mean I don't have the urge to cut like I did then, but I'm still having the visions. I'm going to bring it up to the staff tonight. Maube I need to get away from Maine Stay for a while.

Work is work. I'm only working because I need money. I don't really care about anything. I mean the only thing in my life that really matters is Ben. I don't really care about school (though I am passing). I'm reading all the time to escapoe from the world. I don't like this. I really don't.

I need..... I need a hug.

Well the semester is almost over with. It's hard to believe. I only have 7 classes left. I had better start working on my english paper. I can do it though. It's not going to be that difficult. Though writing my paper with out my laptop is going to be difficult. I'll just have to get a floppy disk and write it at school. That way I know it will get done.

Things are going ok in general. I've stopped feeling like I need to cut. That's a good thing. The Bullshit at Mainestay hasn't changed. I'm just not there enough for it to bother me. I'm hoping to be out of there soon. The sooner I get out of there, the sooner Ben and I can be together.

It's almost been a full year since things have gotten bad for me. I have changed a-lot since then. I'm more grown up and responsible. I've taken the care of my mental health into my own hands. I'm no longer just sitting back and waiting for things to happen. I'm going to make them happen now. It's about time.

I wish I didn't have to work two jobs. It really is annoying. Hopefully something better will come up. I need to make more money then I am. I just got a bill for 666$ from SMCC. I don't understand why I got a bill. Maybe it's for the class that I dropped mid semester. I don't know. I'll find some way to pay for it.

Finanically, well I've got to start taking better care of my money. I've been on a book buying frenzy lateley. I need to stop. I don't know why I've been like this I just have. I'm pretty sure I have almost all the decent books on Witchcraft and Wicca now. I just need to sit down and read them.

Speaking of money I need to call the bank. For some reason I have not gotten any checks yet. How can I pay my rent at Mainestay if I don't have any checks? I don't think that I can. I mean I could probablly give them cash, but I don't feel comfortable handeling that much cash (well at least carrying it around with me).

Other then that, things are going rather well.

Well I founf out last thursday that I lost my job at Dunkin Donuts. Stupid customer complaints. I guess I kinda had it comming to me, but oh well. I was there for 4 months. Al did say that he would give me a good reference, since he didn't want to let me go. I also have one more check comming from them.

That same day I found out that I lost my social security. Which was kinda pissy. I lost both sorces of income at the same time. All in all this has set me back with Avesta. So, naturally everything felt like it was falling apart. As such I tried to cut with a plastic knife. Thankfully my best friend Josh took the knife from me and stopped me from actually cutting.

So, I went to work for a different Dunkin Donuts a few days latter. I worked 2 shifts. Come to find out that because the store I worked at before was a part of a franchise, I couldn't work at this new one. That kinda sucked. I was going to make some good money there. Oh well. Everything happens for a reason.

So Monday came and that's when I found out about the other Dunkin Donuts. Ben and I had an overnight, and not wanting to head straight home we went for a walk in the mall. I stop at Arby's. They had given me a job offer. I origanally said no to it. I thought that I had a better paying job. Any way I ask if they still have openings and want me. They say yes.

I get a call latter on Monday night. It's for an interview at Iceing. I had that interview today. It went rather well. I now have 2 jobs. One is almost management, and the other is just regulara crew. I'm going to be busy, but it means that I am going to be able to get out of MaineStay. The sooner I can do that the better.

My reserch paper for school is doing ok. There is so much information out there. It's kinda hard to sift through it all. That's what I get for choosing a topic that is important to me. For those of you who don't know my paper is on Wicca and how it is only 50 years old it's also going to cover how Witchcraft and Wicca are not the same thing.

Well my anger almost got out of control today. Luckilly my managers are understanding. I was able to leave work before I did something stupid. For a while after I left I still wanted to hurt myself, but I don't any more.

I just needed a break from every thing that has been stressing me out. I'm at my parents for the moment. It's been a much needed quiet day. I'm glad that my mom was able to come and get me. I don't know what I'd be doing now if it weren't for her.

I've basically had a nice and relaxing day. It's good to relax every once and a while. I mean we do all need breaks. The stress that I had been dealing with just got to be to much for me today. And ya know something I choose to use a healthy coping skill instead of what my instinct was.

What Type of Villain are You?

mutedfaith.com.


I don't know who one of them on the listis, but I love Dr.Claw

Well last night was not a whole lot of fun. I had to go to the Hospital. I have a bad habbit of bittingmy inner lip and cheek. Well last night I bit it to deeply. It was bleeding quite badly. The staff at Mainestay sent me to the ER. I ended up with 5 stiches in my mouth. They have already started to come out. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. Maybe it is. Maybe it means that my mouth is healing. Granted I learned a lesson last night. I'm not going to do that again.

Work was dead today. I ended up getting pissed off at one of my co-workers. She was telling me what to do. She's not even a shift leader. She thinks she is, but she's not. It really annoyed me. I did what she wanted any way. I mean the stuff had to get done. She could have asked me nicer though.

I finally have every thing in at Avesta. I should know soon when I'll have an apartment. If it's more then 1.5 months, I'm moving back in with my parents. I really can't stand staying at MaineStay to much longer. The stress there makes me want to hurt myself and or others there. It's actually one of the reasons why I started to "chew" and bite my cheek and lip.

I'm going to a spagetii supper tonight. It's being put on by the Jukado competition team. My mom is going to be going as well. I'm just happy it's getting me out of Mainestay for a while. I really hate being there. I mean I am hardley ever home. I'm really only there to sleep. It's sad when you don't care any more. I mean I feel at time like I'd rather be living in the shelter. I wont leave till I have another place to stay, but that's how I feel.

I'm looking forward to next week. I'll be back in school. I mean there have been times that I haven't wanted to go to class, and I'd be lieing if I said that I never skipped class. I'm still going though. I'm going to pass both classes this semester. It's a good thing for me to.

While I have been doing reserch for my english paper, I have been doing some serious thinking regarding my religious preferances and spirituallity. It's time that I got some "traditional" Wiccan training. I'm going to need to get mylicence first, but I've already started to look at Covens and groups out of State. Some of them have replied to my inquiries already. This is a good sign. Of course I'll meet them in person before I do anything with them, but at least I have started right?

Well, that about somes it up.

~Devi~

Well, I've been feeling a bit down in the dumps lately. I don't really know why. I've been making the best of it though. Life is to short to not make the best of it. It could be that I haven't really talked to one of my best friends in a while. I miss her. One lives in a different state (college) and the other is just so damn busy.

I'm hopefully going to be getting out of MaineStay. Avesta has a place for me. They are just waiting for an employmnt verifictaion form. I'm not sure if Al has got it yet or not. If he has, well he better fill it out. The sooner I leave ManieStay, the better. The current drama is getting old and fast.

It's spring break this week. I've been taking it easy. I love school. While my psych class is extremly dull, I'm managing to pass it, which is a good thing. My english teacher basically lets me do my own thing in class. It's cool. I get to write and listen to what's going on.

I might move back in with my parents for a little while. I just need to talk to my boss about it. It would get me out of MaineStay and I'd be safe. I love my parents. I miss them. If my boss agrees to re arange my schedual then i'll be golden. Al is a great manager, so I don't think that it will be a problem, especially if I'm going to stay latter then I normally would.

W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N . T H A T?

1. You hung out with? Ben. I also spend time with Nicole and Josh(both friends form my group home).
2. Saw you cry? I don't remember. Probablly Ben
3. Went to the movies with you? Josh and James
4. You went to the mall with? Nicole and Josh
5. You went to dinner with? Ben and his mom
6. You talked on the phone to? Ben
7. Said 'I love you' to you and really meant it? Ben
8. Made you laugh? Ben

W O U L D . Y O U . R A T H E R?

1. Pierce your nose or tongue? Nose.
2. Be serious or be funny? Funny
3. Drink whole or skim milk? I can't drink milk
4. Die in a fire or drown? neither of those sound appealing, thanks.
5. Spend time with your parents or enemies? Parents

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R. .

1. Flowers or candy? Flowers and candy together :-)
2. Gray or black? Black
3. Color or Black and white photos? I like both
4. Lust or love? Love, with lots of Lust to go with it
5. Sunrise or sunset? Sunset
7. Staying up late or waking up early? Staying up late.

D O . Y O U . P R E F E R. .

1. Sun or moon? Moon.
2. Winter or Fall? Fall
3. Left or right? Right
4. 10 acquaintances or having two best friends? friends
6. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream? Pistachio actually
7. Vodka or Jack? I don't drink

A B O U T . Y O U!

1. What time is it? 10:50 am
2. First and middle Name: Charity Lynn
3. Nickname(s): Devi
4. What is your birth date? 11/07/85
5. What do you want? An apt with Ben
6. Where do you want to live? In a japanese styled home, near either the ocean, or a lake
7. How many kids do you want? 2-4 (2 boys and 2 girls)
8. You want to get married? Yes

U N I Q U E !

1. Nervous habit: none to speak of
2. you double jointed: no
3. Can you roll your tongue? Yes
4. Can you raise one eyebrow? No
5. Can you cross your eyes? Yes
6. Do you make your bed daily? not daily

O T H E R

1. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
2. Have you ever eaten scrapple? Ick
4. How many kinds of cereal are in your cabinet? Whatever people havn't eaten yet.
5. What's your favorite beverage? Montain Dwe
6. What's your favorite food? Prime Rib or French Onion Soup
7. Do you cook? Yes. Cullinary Arts is my major in college

IN . T H E . L A S T . M O N T H . H A V E . Y O U ?

1. Had a b/f or g/f? Closing in on 3 years now
2. Bought something: Many books
4. Sang: Not as ofetn as I should
5. Been hugged: Quite a few times
6. Felt stupid: Not really
7. Missed someone: oh yes
8. Got drunk: No
9. Danced crazy: nope
10. Gotten your hair cut: No
11. Cried: no
12. Lied: Yes

height: 5'4".
hair color: Light Blonde
hair length: Mid lenth(shoulders)
Hair style: None really
shoes size: womens 8
personality: All my own
style? Goth

7 L I F E

How's life? Not bad
What's your mood right now? tierd
What are you doing as we speak? a meme and nothing more
How was your day? No complaints. I've been with Ben :-)
What are you doing over the weekend? Hanging out and going to the mall
What do you want to do with your life? Wake up beside Ben each morning, and to help people.
What color is your life? Gray

7 L O V E L I F E

Have you ever been in love: Yes
Have you ever had your heart broken? Some wound never fully heal
Have you ever broken someone's heart? maybe, not sure
Have you ever fallen for your best friend? yes
Are you planning on getting married? In time
Are you afraid of commitment? Nope

9 R A N D O M S

One thing sitting next to you: another computer
Someone you miss: James
Do you like the color purple? Yes
How many CDs do you own? Not enough
Longest phone conversation: I have no idea.
What is your most prized possession? My teddu bear named Snuggles
Who's your closest relative? mother
If you could go anywhere, where would it be? Japan
What is your favorite gift that you have received? Kohi, a bear that Ben gave me for my birthday

8 T H I S O R T H A T S

Pepsi or coke? Pepsi
Tommy boy or black sheep? Anaphelatic Shock
Saturday or Sunday? Saturday
single or taken? Taken
colored or black and white? sure
white shoes or black shoes? black
phone or in person? In person

8 FA V O R I T E S

car: Don;t have one
TV show: Don;t really watch to much TV
movie: Tough one
color: Black
sport: Martail Arts
Saying: "Always thinking of some one, sometimes how to hurt them, but always thinking about them"
mall: Providene Place Mall

1 0 H A V E Y O U E V E R S

Have you ever been arrested? no
Have you ever fought someone? Yes
Have you ever skinny dipped? No
Have you ever gone streaking? No
Have you ever done something? Illegal? Yes
Have you ever bungee jumped? No
Have you ever been on a house boat? No
Have you ever smoked marijuana? No, but I want to
Have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker? Yes
Have you ever wanted someone so bad it hurts? Yes

.::Finish the following sentences with the first thing that comes to your mind!::.


-My ex is Some one who owes me money

-Maybe I'll get an A in english Comp


-I love Ben =)<3

-I don't understand Preppy people. They scare me

-I lost my mind long ago

-People would say/have said that I am an eccetrinc person

-Love is something wonderful

-Somewhere, someone is being born

-I will always strive to improve myself as a person

-Forever is a long ass time

-I never want to be without a warm bed, and a loving companion to share it with


-I think the current President I'm keeping my mouth shut on this one

-When I wake up in the morning I get dressed and go to work

-Life is full of surprises

-My past is colorful, to say the least

-I get annoyed when people interupt me

-Parties are for revelry

-My dog doesn't died last february

-My cat is a monster (she really is, Ben can attest for this)

-Kisses are the best

-Tomorrow I'm going to try to ask my boss for a raise

-I really want to cuddle with Ben

-I have low tolerance for people who piss me off

-If I had a million dollars be opening my own metaphysical store

-If you could kiss someone it would be Ben

TODAY, HAVE YOU...

1. Had sex: Not yet
2. Bought something: A book on witchcraft
3. Gotten sick: no
4. Sang: no
5. Been kissed: Yes
6. Ate something: Yes
7. Felt stupid: no, but the day is still young
8. Missed someone: no

LAST PERSON WHO...

1. Slept/Layed in ur bed with you: Not allowed to have people in my bed
2. Made you laugh: Ben :-)
3. Made you cry: Stress

HAVE YOU EVER...

1. Said "I Love You"? yes
2. Got in a fight with your pet: yes
3. Been to New York? no
4. Been to Mexico: No
5. Been to Canada: yes


RANDOMNESS

1. What book are you reading?: Druid Power (a book on the Druidic path)
3. Future KIDS name: Girl names: Dezire and Acalina Boy names undecided
4. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: yes
5. What's under your bed: Some boxes, it's been so long since I cleaned that I don't remember whats in them

QUESTIONS...

1. Fav sport(s): Martial Arts and Equine sports. Fencing is ok to.
2. Location: School cafe'
3. Piercing/Tattoos: My ears and nose are peirced, and I hope to get a tatoo soon.
4. you afraid of the dark? yes. Some very traumatic thinhs happened to me in the dark.
5. What are you most worried about right now? Passing school
6. Where do you want to get married? Near the water
7. Who do you really hate? I don't really hate any one.
8. Do you have a job? Yes
9. Do you like being around people? depends on the people
10. Have u ever liked someone that u had no chance w/? Yes
11. Have you ever cried? Yes
12. Are you lonely right now: No
13. Song that's stuck in your head: none at the moment
14. Played strip poker: no
15. Been drunk for more than 2 days straight: no
16. Done an all-nighter: yes
17. Do you have any gay/lesbian/bi friends?: yes